Hold my purse, shit’s about to get real!

Oh I haven’t been this angry in a while! I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum.

So I read THIS STUPID FUCKING ARTICLE on Facecrack today. It’s entitled

10 ugly things awful husbands do to their wives

I saw that a few of my personal friends had shared the article so I opened it up. Seriously…this is being passed around as gospel… and I’m going to shred it for you. Because I can but mostly, because I SHOULD.

First, the article was written and posted on http://www.nurturingmarriage.org/  That’s right, Nurturing Marriage. The title of the site leads you to believe that these fucktards are nurturing marriage.  It was reposted on Family Share…insinuating that their giving advice to families on how to act. Grr. Queue the dragons.

Problem #1 All marriage is not created equal. What works for me, may not (and probably would not) work for you. A one-size-fits-all guide to marriage is a guide to a train wreck, the same way parenting guides are enormous failures at creating the perfect family. Kids are individuals. What works for one…won’t work for the other. I’m a living testament to this as my two children couldn’t be any more different unless they grew up on opposite sides of the planet. My marriage to husband #2 is MUCH healthier than marriage to husband #1 and I’m happier for it.

Now, let’s address this STUPID FUCKING ARTICLE one step at a time.

Problem #2 The article lists the following as ugly things husbands do to their wives. Much of this is flat out abuse be it psychological abuse or just verbal. Don’ts of the article are as such: 1)be critical

Choose to see the good in your wife. Compliment her on all the things she is doing right.

Holy fucking backward thinking Batman. First of all, this assumes the wife is doing something wrong. Uhh…who are you to say what is right or wrong or that some assmunch dictator has the right to deem your choice in dinner, attire, car purchase…anything really is WRONG. Fuck you.

2) Don’t be controlling. Response: No flying fucking eagle shit. In most situations if someone is controlling you – -they’re being an abusive fuckwad and it’s time to bolt. Husbands don’t do this to their wives. Little men with little dicks do it to victims. Links for victims at the bottom.

3) Treat you like an object. (See response in #2)

4) Doesn’t give you the time of day. Then why are you married again? See response in #2

5) I’ll address at the end…  along with #6

7) Has too high expectations. Are we seeing a 50 shades pattern here? No fucking shit, jack. Because you are not the King of anything, not your own domain unless you  have a queen and a queen wouldn’t take your shit!

8) Doesn’t help around the house. Different strokes for different folks, Rose. When my husband is working 16 hour shifts and can barely hold his iced tea to his lips at the end of the day, I don’t expect him to do the dishes. But who the fuck are you to say what’s right? Asshole.

9) Loses his temper often. DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. FUCKING RUN. This is a huge indicator of abusive behavior, lack of self-control etc. Get the fuck out now, BEFORE you get the black eye, bruised ribs and damaged self-esteem. No one deserves this. Also, see response in #2

10) Lies and Cheats. Again…go. Don’t walk, run in the opposite direction. Husbands don’t do this to wives. Little boys with little penises do this to victims. 

Let’s go back to 5 & 6…shall we? 5) Watches Porn and 6) Uses Dirty Language. head bangBook Porn, Romance, Erotic literature all have dirty language. Okay, some sweet romance doesn’t but really… it’s the same damned premise. Whether I say COCK or blue veined monster, I’m still referring to the penis and there’s no goddamned difference. Since book porn is a BILLION dollar a year business, the likelihood that the twat who wrote this article reads smut is pretty high. So FUCK YOU and your aversion to dirty language.

Let’s talk about sex…shall we? Sex and PORN. I’ve heard them…the uptight little hags that consider their husband’s porn watching to be cheating. No only are you shaming your husband for a very natural curiosity, you could be potentially robbing you AND him of a lot.

Look, I get it. There’s a lot of porn out there that’s pretty fucking degrading with some really horrendous actors. I don’t like face shots. I don’t like it when the girl not only looks like she’s having an awful time, but that she’s uncomfortable or scared. I find CONSENT to be a very hot quality to sex. Nothing better than someone BEGGING you to fuck them.

I digress. Problem #3 There’s a lot of porn out there. More than 31 Flavors…or 50 Shades of Abuse. There’s softcore where you don’t have to see the sloppy stuff. There’s hardcore…where you do. There are fetish videos for those who enjoy a particular kind of kink and the list really does go on.  Labeling all porn as bad or awful is not only wrong, it’s judgmental and wholly inaccurate. OH, and BDSM isn’t abuse. Educate yourself. 

Problem #4 This whole article is one giant finger pointing escapade. Someone is blamed.

Problem #5 It’s all about shame, especially with #’s 5 &6. 

Instead of shaming your spouse, try education. Listen to Dr. Doe (a clinical sexologist) about Porn. Porn viewing WITH your partner can add an additional layer of excitement and sexuality between you and your partner(s). Do not allow STUPID FUCKING ARTICLES like this lead you to believe that watching porn is dangerous, unhealthy or wrong. Yes, as with anything, you can develop an addiction. It can happen (as with sugar, caffeine, chocolate etc.)  http://youtu.be/3ovjlFX0DHY

Finally, Problem #6, this article is damaging and instead of offering resources for women who are experiencing some of the abuse they’re describing, they’re simply referring to the entire ball of wax as a marital problem. Abuse is not, I repeat NOT a marital problem. Abuse, is a victim’s problem with a criminal’s activity. Plain and fucking simple. 

Education is knowledge and knowledge is power. Educate yourselves. Empower yourselves to be stronger and better men and women (and those in between.) In the words of Dr. Doe. “Stay curious.” Oh, and don’t turn to STUPID FUCKING ARTICLES for advice on your marriage. If you’re being abused, get out of the situation because IMHO abusers never change anything other than the victim they are abusing.

Links for Victims of Domestic Violence:

By state

AbusedWomen.org

Women aren’t always the victims. National Hotline.

 

Is Erotica in Danger from Amazon?

So, are my books going get pulled from Amazon?

There is no short answer to this question. After a recent blog post from one of my colleagues had worried another I started to dig. First, I’m not going to just cite the blogs of other authors – that’s a rumor. I don’t spread rumors, or I try not to. Okay, maybe I gossip a little but what I’m looking for here are facts. This is an important issue so… let’s see what I can find.

Trigger Warning!

First, a bit about me. I survived child molestation. I’m also a wife and a mother. So, this isn’t totally unbiased and I’m going to swear so. TRIGGER FUCKING WARNING.

I’m also a US Citizen so when I talk about “society, values  and laws” it’s our culture to which I refer.

What’s being pulled?

The sick fuck who wrote the Pedophiles Guide is in jail. The judge denied his request for a lower bond…Yes, his book was pulled. It violated the law (thankfully there are laws on the books on the subject matter.) We, as a society, have decided raping children is bad. As a mother – I’ll cut off your dick and feed it to you if you come anywhere near my children.

When it started

In the fall of 2013 (thereabout) there were a plethora of books yanked by Amazon. Some were put back up, some were not.

Lily White’s book was taken down and never put back up. Some of Selena Kitt’s books were also removed.

The Guideline

But we have to remember that there is a reason there’s a taboo list. Almost every single publishing house has a list that looks something like this:

  • Pedophilia
  • Rape or incest
  • Necrophilia (does not pertain to vampires or other “undead” characters)
  • Hate messages to any race, gender, religion, or sexuality
  • Bestiality
  • Sexual content with participants under the age of 18

Why? Because society has deemed this indecent, illegal and immoral. Bestiality is one subject where we can walk a fine line. We can have shifters/werewolves etc and have the sex… but not in animal form. You have to know where that line is.

Crossing into pedophilia and incest??? I have my own feelings on the matter and those feelings are pretty strong. Obviously.

Rape for Titillation

This, believe it or not, is getting it’s own section for a reason. Rape is bad. Rape is evil. Rapists deserve to die.

But Anita? What about Rape Fantasies?

Exactly. Some willing participants actually act out rape fantasies with their partners. I’m sure Freud would have a field day with this issue, and I’m no psychologist. But if the participants are actually WILLING and CONSENTING but ACTING it out, there’s nothing wrong with it.

A survivor can actually use this as a healing tool. How? Well, for one, the “victim” can set the parameters. They tell their partner the scenario they desire then the two enact it later on. So the “victim” is actually in control. As a survivor, I can tell you that this can be quite liberating.

But it’s not for everyone. And it can actually trigger things like panic attacks and flashbacks. The scars left behind from rape, molestation and other childhood trauma run deep. For some, they never heal. That’s why there’s community standards regarding these topics. BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT TO ENCOURAGE RAPE, INCEST AND PEDOPHILIA.

Censorship

Censorship exists to protect the innocent and to set some standards. I have mixed feelings on censorship myself. I have no desire to fall back into the Victorian Era’s puritanical ideas of what is decent and what is not. But for Christ’s Sake, a Pedophile’s Guide isn’t something we want available for sale. Thankfully, Amazon used better judgement when it was brought to their attention. And the guy is now in jail, probably where he belongs.

As authors, we have to exercise some common sense. We can’t slap a pornographic cover on our book, then bitch that it got pulled. You can’t write taboo topics then whine that it got yanked. Why?

Don’t Bite the Hand that Feeds You!

I think some of these authors who are complaining forget one small detail. If it weren’t for Amazon starting the self-publishing revolution by giving us a gateway to our readers, we’d be stuck with only vanity publishers as our only outlet. And that, folks, would be a crime.

Amazon is still a business. They have their own community standards and if you want to publish through them, then you have to follow those standards. You are not ENTITLED to publish your work through them. They ALLOW you to do so.

Amazon is our largest and most powerful friend. But if we consistently spread rumors about them being the bad guy… why would they continue to help us?

Amazon has been the Indie champion for awhile now. They are the main retail outlet for us. Don’t attack them for having standards. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

Where are all of the news articles?

I searched for awhile. I found blog posts and Kindle Forum discussions but not a lot in the way of reputable news outlets reporting on the issue. So it’s not a big issue IMHO.

So authors, quit freaking out. Use a bit of common sense when writing your books. Understand the guidelines with the retailers. Follow them.

And if your book gets yanked? Sell it on your own site. You have that power.

Erotica or Pornography – you choose.

Part of one’s responsibility as a writer, is to support your community.  With the broad sweeping of novels off the shelves by retailers due to the drama in the UK, many authors blogged about it.  It’s a delicate situation.  I don’t really like censorship, but I don’t want to see books like TAKING MY DRUNK DAUGHTER either.  Case in point, I don’t think books should be published that portray child abuse, rape (for titillation) or necrophilia.  But I’m no emperor and quite frankly, I enjoy my first amendment rights.  I won’t give them up without a fight either.  Therein resides the fine line.

However, I read a blog post the other day that had me spitting fucking nails.  Now I will provide a link in a moment and while the article really really gets under my skin, I will ask that anyone commenting to show a modicum of respect.  Agree or disagree – this is one of my peers and I will show her more respect than she’s shown me and mine.

The first quote that started my blood boiling:

“In broad terms, pornography is abuse: sex with children, rape, incest; sex with animals, sex with the dead, sex where blood is spilled. Porn is often, though not always, written from the male point of view, and is frequently composed with expletives and euphemisms.”

Are you kidding me?  Where the hell did that definition come from? I’d be willing to wager that those in the porn industry that check ID, ensure health cards are up to date and take responsibility for their craft would love to tar and feather her for that statement.

The next quote, this is where things start to get dicey and I’ll explain.

The first rule of erotic literature is that it is literature. It should be well-written. Erotica explores the dark, hidden, secret side of human sexuality. Its key elements are psychology, disparate human emotions often explored through aspects of domination and submission. Is spanking erotic? It can be. It is a human activity and its study requires the rhythmic stroke and elegiac beat of the literary drum. In a FaceBook Forum this same week with United Filmmakers Association, Joshua Looby provided tips on shooting erotica, and writer Caesar Voghan pithily summed up the discussion by pointing out that, in film terms, in simple terms, nudity is erotic, genitalia is pornographic.

Now it should be noted, if you didn’t catch it, the above quote about nudity and genitalia is not hers, but a filmmaker’s.  But this would make shows like Spartacus–porn. (Can you hear my eyes rolling?)

Finally – the third quote and what set me off:

I will end with some advice. To the booksellers: remember, writers are like flowers. Don’t trample on them. To the pornographer: put down the pen and get a life. To the erotic writer: keep going, keep writing, keep improving. Look at your work and, if you think to yourself: that’s good enough. It’s not good enough. Cut. Edit. Re-write. The way ahead will be tough. The only weapon you have is you ability, your integrity, your imagination.

So let’s sum this up: If genitalia, expletives and euphemisms are used, it’s porn.  Porn is abuse.  I, apparently, don’t write erotica, but according to Ms. Thurow, I write porn.  Therefore, I am a criminal who should be locked up next to the child abuser, the rapist and the necrophiliac.  Because my books have a bit more heat than hers and I’d rather see the word COCK then something like stem or rod or hardness.  Please, I’m an adult. A dick is a dick, not a flower, not a bulge – it’s a dick, cock, erection and so on.  Also, according to her and her definition, I should just quit writing. . . despite the fact that I just acquired a 3-Book deal from a publisher.  Well, I should quit writing as well as thousands of other authors. 😡

Never mind that the porn industry is a $14B a year business.  Yes, that’s billion.  Translation: whether or not you admit it, you watch it.  I have no problem admitting I watch porn.  On some nights, especially the rare night where the kids are all gone, the hubby and I like to kick back with an adult beverage and something rated X or worse.

But I digress… I’d really love to hear from you.  I want to know if I’m alone.  What is your definition of porn?  Do you think that erotica that doesn’t dance around names for genitalia actually porn? Is it criminal? Does it take from your reading experience or do you want to spend your time trying to decide if some guy is banging a hot chick or sticking into a dew filled lily?

Comment below and I’ll throw your name in a hat.  I will choose one random winner (no you don’t have to agree with me to win.)  I will send an Amazon gift card to the lucky winner.

Now if you want to read the blog post in it’s entirety, you can do so here.  But again, I implore you to be respectful.  Hell, you may even agree with her and that’s okay.  Just remain respectful is all I ask.

Happy as a Bearded Clam

UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM

As I wipe the sweat from my brow, I’m happy to say that I’ve finished the first draft of the third book in the Dirty White Candy series.  It’s the longest in the series thus far and I really had a difficult time ending it.

Candy goes through many changes in Trading Places.  I’m excited to see how my readers feel about Candy, John and a few other characters when this is all over.

Now that I’m done and sending it off to be printed (I simply cannot edit on a laptop.  It must be on paper,) I’m curious about something.  As a writer, I can do just about anything to my characters.  I can write nearly any story.  As I’ve said before, I write in other genre’s under my given name.

What do you like?  What do you want to read?  Werewolves, shape-shifters and vampires? BDSM? Secret societies?  What gets your panties wet or pops your tent?  Tell me what’s up, other than hard dicks and airplanes.

I value your opinion so much – here’s what I’ll do.  I’ll give away FIVE A.R.C.s (advance reading copies) of my new Dirty White Candy book (eBook only) for my top five choices.

So comment and share.  Momma is interested in what you have to say.

~Much Love,

Anita

It was brought to my attention that many folks wish to stay private – so you can email me at AuthorAnitaCox@yahoo.com if you wish 😉

Horny Humpday Q & A with Cox!

SESSION NOW CLOSED.  Thank you to all those who participated.  I really enjoy chatting with my fans.

It’s quickly approaching the 7 o’clock hour (CST) for our Wednesday Q & A.

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There aren’t too many rules here at the house of Cox.  You must be 18 due to mature content.  You can ask me just about anything.  I’ve yet to decline a question. Frequent topics are: sex, clubbing, swinging, health & relationships.

Feel free to post questions anonymously (Most do) below in the comments section.

Horny Humpday Q & A!!!

SESSION NOW CLOSED!  Thank you for all (most) who participated!

 

It’s that time again!  Time to answer questions from my lovely fans and friends.  No real rules.  You can ask me just about anything you want.  I will answer nearly any question.

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This is for adults only.  VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.  Will more than likely contain strong language, offensive topics and the words, dick, cock, pussy or twat every so often.  I may even throw in a CUNT for good measure.

So I’m going to enjoy my friend chicken and Smirnoff while I wait for your questions.  (Don’t judge until you try it!)

Love from Miss Cox

I’m so sorry for my absence as of late.  I’ve had a minor stalker issue to contend with.  Sad to say, it is unresolved.  Some people will search for ANYTHING to bitch about.

But you can’t keep a good bitch down.  So, moving on…

Q & A will resume on MY BLOG – here – MY BLOG – where I do and say whatever the hell I want.  It’ll reclaim the Wednesday evening time slot of 7 p.m. CST.  It will run approximately one hour (longer if there are a lot of questions that remain unanswered.)  You may ask me nearly anything.  Frequent topics are: sex, swing clubs, health, erotica, my erotica books etc.  This is pretty much “no holds barred” type of Q & A.

Now, this page and the Q & A is for Adults 18 and over.  It has mature content, foul language and sensitive subjects.  Minors are prohibited (by law in most states.)

You may post your questions anonymously below.  See you Wednesday!

Much Love,

Anita COX