I’m old

Okay, I’m not old, and people older than me who will read this will roll their eyes. But dammit… I FEEL old.

It’s Saturday night, 9:26 p.m. local time. I have no makeup on and I’m wearing a stained up grey sweatshirt with frayed bands around the wrists. I have zero desire to go anywhere or do anything. I’m just…tired. Exhausted really.

I remember when the party started Friday after work and didn’t end until Sunday afternoon. I remember having the whole weekend planned and if I was going to sit at home on the weekend, it was because I was dying with the flu or something.

Now. Yuk.

Spring has helped. I feel like I have more energy and my daughter pokes fun at me because everytime I step outside for a smoke, I check my plants. (They’re peeking out of the mulch!)

But months of staying up late so I can get some work done (because that’s the only quiet time I get in this chaotic house) has really kicked me in the lady balls. I’m zapped. It’s Saturday night and I’m neither getting work done nor partying with friends. I’m sitting on my ass, feeling like a zombie.

There are many reasons for my fatigue: totally fucked sleeping pattern, one child that is about to go off to college and a blessing, but I still worry about her and another that is a total nightmare to deal with. Doctor added another medication so I have some hope for him but the boy really drains me. I, of course, love him with my whole heart and would move heaven and earth for him. Today, I just don’t like him very much.

It’s all about to change. I go through this at the end of every winter. Hubby will get called back to work (he gets laid off every single winter, adding to the stress load in the house.) Longer hours of daylight make me feel more energetic. Having the house completely to myself will allow me the focus I need to be productive, instead of staying up until 3-4 a.m. and working when I should be sleeping.

Winter Blues. I have them. How about you? What does Spring mean in your neck of the woods?

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