SESSION CLOSED. Thank you for your questions. Remember, I do take questions by private message on facebook as well as email at authoranitacox (at) yahoo (dot) com. I hope you enjoyed today’s Q & A! See you next week.
It’s that time again. I will attempt to answer all questions I receive. I am not qualified to give any medical or marital advice, but I will do my very best. I’ve been receiving questions already. Here’s what we have so far:
Question #1 – From Angie –
How long did you consider swinging before you took in that first experience, and how long was it before you felt comfortable with it? What kind of things could a new couple expect to see at an event, and is there anything that newbies seem to be shocked by frequently?
Answer: (Part One) I’m on my second marriage. I could have NEVER gone here with hubby #1. I’d already had some girl/girl and 3some experiences. The husband enjoyed hearing about my naughty college experiences so we already had “story time.” But he’s a naughty little boy… I digress. We watched License to Wed. (Totally recommend this movie!) Robin Williams is a priest about to marry a couple and he asks the groom-to-be if he would give the wife-to-be a threesome if that would make her happy. It sparked the conversation… one that I’m so glad we had.
It took a few months for us to decide to dip our toes in. We were hooked. We started with a threesome and went from there. Something odd happens during swinging. At first, it stung a bit, seeing the man I love with someone else… then it became a complete turn on. By the third or fourth time there was no discomfort with it at all.
(Part Two) First thing to know is that there are different kinds of events. There are on-premise clubs, which means it’s a building that houses events usually every weekend. There are off-site clubs, which are generally hotel take-overs or Meet and Greets at bars. Then there are house parties. House parties have far less restrictions, but you never know what you’re getting yourself into.
For beginners, it will probably shock you how easy everyone is being naked. Most people start off in sexy street clothes then change into lingerie after a few drinks. By the end of the night a lot of people (on-premise clubs) will just be butt ass naked. Another thing that surprised me was sitting there having a drink and looking over to see some girl on her knees giving a blow job at the table next to us. I looked at my husband and said, “Would you look at that cock-sucker.” Because I make jokes when I get nervous.
People talk about sex very openly. Since we are a society that has learned not to do that, it can take a bit getting used to. When it comes to “play time” and you need to quickly go over the rules (no face shots please.) That can be awkward when you haven’t been there before. After a few times, it’s just like saying, “hold the onions.”
Ultimately, my first club experience, I was just very surprised to see how nice people were and how willing they were to help educate newbies, show them the ropes, answer questions and introduce them to other swingers. Of course, there are asshats anywhere you go, but for the most part, these are five-star folks. The most important thing to remember is that you are never required to do anything.
The first time my husband and I went, we didn’t play with anyone else. We just watched, then devoured each other for hours. (And fucked like bunny rabbits for days afterward.) There is a sexual electricity to events like that. Everyone is supercharged, super-sexed and ready to party. Everyone’s club experience is unique to them. Take your time. Dip your toe in the water… it’s nice and warm.
Question #2 from Darcy – My husband is horrible at oral sex. It feels like an alien is invading my body. I’ve tried to guide him, but he just doesn’t listen.
Answer: Darcy… this is a common problem. If you ARE bi-sexual, consider having a girl show him how it’s done. If you’re not, this may sound crazy, but grab an orange (or peach or some other fleshy fruit.) Carve. Yes, I said carve. Grab your paring knife and make yourself a clit. Then do a little demo for him. It should get him horny and teach him a thing or two about the art of cunnilingus. If not, and the oral stimulation is just not there (assuming you love your spouse and want to stick together) then skip the oral sex and get a finger vibrator so you can DIY yourself to orgasm during sex. That’s my best advice.
What would I do? I wouldn’t blow him again until he learned to eat proper pussy. =O
Question #3 from Nancy SpankMahBehind Is BDSM allowed in clubs?
Answer: That varies from club to club. Some clubs have “dungeons” for this sort of play. However, I have seen it get very awkward when it’s practiced in regular play areas. Some people are uncomfortable with it and don’t understand what’s going on. Like any other kink, it’s a taboo some understand, some don’t and some totally disagree with. I would seek a club with a “dungeon”. One club I know have has an experienced Dom for ladies who want to try it.
Question #4 from Anonymous Are you really a woman?
Answer: Yep, complete with a vagina, stretch marks and two spawn walking around with my eyes and features. Though I’d love to be able to stand and pee…. I fantasize about those moments.