Q & A Time!!!

img-thingSESSION CLOSED.  Thank you for your questions.  Remember, I do take questions by private message on facebook as well as email at authoranitacox (at) yahoo (dot) com.  I hope you enjoyed today’s Q & A!  See you next week.   


It’s that time again.  I will attempt to answer all questions I receive.  I am not qualified to give any medical or marital advice, but I will do my very best.  I’ve been receiving questions already.  Here’s what we have so far:

Question #1 – From Angie – 

How long did you consider swinging before you took in that first experience, and how long was it before you felt comfortable with it? What kind of things could a new couple expect to see at an event, and is there anything that newbies seem to be shocked by frequently?

Answer: (Part One) I’m on my second marriage.  I could have NEVER gone here with hubby #1.  I’d already had some girl/girl and 3some experiences.  The husband enjoyed hearing about my naughty college experiences so we already had “story time.”  But he’s a naughty little boy… I digress.  We watched License to Wed.  (Totally recommend this movie!)  Robin Williams is a priest about to marry a couple and he asks the groom-to-be if he would give the wife-to-be a threesome if that would make her happy.  It sparked the conversation… one that I’m so glad we had.

   It took a few months for us to decide to dip our toes in.  We were hooked.  We started with a threesome and went from there.  Something odd happens during swinging.  At first, it stung a bit, seeing the man I love with someone else… then it became a complete turn on.  By the third or fourth time there was no discomfort with it at all.

(Part Two)  First thing to know is that there are different kinds of events.  There are on-premise clubs, which means it’s a building that houses events usually every weekend.  There are off-site clubs, which are generally hotel take-overs or Meet and Greets at bars.  Then there are house parties.  House parties have far less restrictions, but you never know what you’re getting yourself into.

For beginners, it will probably shock you how easy everyone is being naked.  Most people start off in sexy street clothes then change into lingerie after a few drinks.  By the end of the night a lot of people (on-premise clubs) will just be butt ass naked.  Another thing that surprised me was sitting there having a drink and looking over to see some girl on her knees giving a blow job at the table next to us.  I looked at my husband and said, “Would you look at that cock-sucker.”  Because I make jokes when I get nervous.

People talk about sex very openly.  Since we are a society that has learned not to do that, it can take a bit getting used to.  When it comes to “play time” and you need to quickly go over the rules (no face shots please.) That can be awkward when you haven’t been there before.  After a few times, it’s just like saying, “hold the onions.”

Ultimately, my first club experience, I was just very surprised to see how nice people were and how willing they were to help educate newbies, show them the ropes, answer questions and introduce them to other swingers.  Of course, there are asshats anywhere you go, but for the most part, these are five-star folks.  The most important thing to remember is that you are never required to do anything.

The first time my husband and I went, we didn’t play with anyone else.  We just watched, then devoured each other for hours.  (And fucked like bunny rabbits for days afterward.)  There is a sexual electricity to events like that.  Everyone is supercharged, super-sexed and ready to party.  Everyone’s club experience is unique to them.  Take your time.  Dip your toe in the water… it’s nice and warm.

Question #2 from Darcy – My husband is horrible at oral sex.  It feels like an alien is invading my body.  I’ve tried to guide him, but he just doesn’t listen.

Answer:  Darcy… this is a common problem.  If you ARE bi-sexual, consider having a girl show him how it’s done.  If you’re not, this may sound crazy, but grab an orange (or peach or some other fleshy fruit.)  Carve.  Yes, I said carve.  Grab your paring knife and make yourself a clit.  Then do a little demo for him.  It should get him horny and teach him a thing or two about the art of cunnilingus.  If not, and the oral stimulation is just not there (assuming you love your spouse and want to stick together) then skip the oral sex and get a finger vibrator so you can DIY yourself to orgasm during sex.  That’s my best advice.tumblr_lud0e9FHMi1qbamzro1_250

What would I do?  I wouldn’t blow him again until he learned to eat proper pussy.  =O


Question #3 from Nancy SpankMahBehind  Is BDSM allowed in clubs?

Answer: That varies from club to club.  Some clubs have “dungeons” for this sort of play.  However, I have seen it get very awkward when it’s practiced in regular play areas.  Some people are uncomfortable with it and don’t understand what’s going on.  Like any other kink, it’s a taboo some understand, some don’t and some totally disagree with.  I would seek a club with a “dungeon”.  One club I know have has an experienced Dom for ladies who want to try it.

Question #4 from Anonymous  Are you really a woman?

Answer: Yep, complete with a vagina, stretch marks and two spawn walking around with my eyes and features.  Though I’d love to be able to stand and pee…. I fantasize about those moments.

44 thoughts on “Q & A Time!!!

    1. Ohhh, good question! Thanks for stopping by.

      First, be sure your girl is already worked up. You can’t go fishing around for it if she isn’t even started.

      Next, once your girl is panting and craving more, with her on her back, stick in two fingers, palm up. Curve your fingers slightly (like you’re saying ‘come here’) but don’t try to scratch her.

      It will feel firm, a little softer than a hard boiled egg. She may complain at first that it makes her feel like she has to pee. If she says that… you’re in the right spot!


      1. Ok, so after you’re confident you know where it is located, how do you incorporate it into sex???


      2. Well, during sex, you can try aim the penis angle so it rubs that spot. You can also use your fingers to rub or pulsate until she orgasms.

        You’ll know you’re doing it right… She’ll pant and moan. If she stops moaning, starts squirming or pulling away… then you’re doing something wrong. Talk to each other… ask her (at first) if she likes what you’re doing. If she says yes, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY KEEP GOING!


      3. Can you stimulate a man’s prostate gland from the outside? Still kinda creepy thinking about fingers and my nails and such.


      4. For those of us that aren’t into big words (come on – we’re drinking here) perineal stimulation for men is rubbing of the “taint” That area between the ball sack and bung hole. The response varies from man to man. But I do not believe we can ever compare a man’s sensation to a woman’s. Our bodies are much much different. And this reminds me – it is exterior stimulation of the prostrate… a question I bungled above! Ya’ll keeping Miss Anita on her toes!


      5. So along the male lines ;), if you play with their testicles (balls) during oral, is it the same concept as with a G spot? Do you get a little more aggressive at the end? I wanna know how to BLOW HIS MIND!!!!!


      6. Lift the balls, rub the area behind them (It almost feel like where his penis keeps going up into his body. Also twisting your hand back and forth helps. Another technique, if you can imagine juicing an orange… now, the palm of your hand is the orange and his rod is the juicer. That stimulation on the head of his penis (keep lubbed up) will drive him wild.


      7. YES!!!! This only works with your LEFT HAND. Take your thumb and tuck it under your fingers and make a fist. The thumb MUST BE TUCKED UNDER your other four fingers. Now, stick your right index finger down your throat. See… no gagging.


      8. If you are considering anal play with your male partner, are there any preparations that can make this easier?


      9. Lots of lube, start small (fingers or very thin toys). They do make specific lube for anal play that has numbing solution in it for the burning sensation upon entry. But everyone better be ready – this is no time for the element of surprise O.o


      10. I don’t know if you can “ruin” them per se, but you can become desensitized from too much play. Remember, it’s covered in skin… just like our fingers, they can become calloused (which is thickening of the skin) distancing the nerve endings from the surface.


    2. Are their “classes” or retreat type places that couples can go to learn more about sex and how to please eachother more effectively?


      1. Sex education classes for couples… if you want one on one help then you can search for sex therapists in your area… Be sure to check credentials so you’re not getting a creeper.


    3. Does exercise help in any way with not wanting to have sex? Do energy levels or body image issues have a great impact?


      1. Yes… I will post some info for you sometime this week via the blog. This is a delicate issue that needs actual medical advice. But I do know exercise increases endorphins… and testosterone. I blogged about this a few days ago.


  1. Very informative and evocative, thank you! What is the HOTTEST thing that you have witnessed in a club, and does it ever just turn into a plain old orgy type situation?


    1. Thank you for your question! Hmmm, the hottest thing? In the bar one night, in a particularly wild party, there was a train of girls giving each other oral. It was like twelve people deep. That was pretty hot.


      1. It depends on what they’re doing. If they’re trying to join, without asking, you must be VERY verbal. If they are following you around, tell them…”You’re killing the mood. Please find another party.” If you’ve asked them to go away or not to bother you, get club security. They won’t want them there if they can’t take “no” for an answer.


      2. Are there places at the clubs where you can have the privacy of not being watched if you want some play time? Or are all the “rooms” open for viewing?


    1. Have you SEEN the American demographic? You’ll be fine. Sexy is a state of mind, not a physical state. I’ve seen very large women a clubs and they get plenty of action. . . (I suspect because large women come with REALLY LARGE BOOBS.)


  2. a friend went to a club and joined in on a couple already having sex. How do you enter a scene like that and are couples up for that and willing to let someone join in?


      1. If you are just enjoying the views, do you just kind of stroll past rooms then go on about your business? Or do people stop and WATCH watch?


      2. Stop and watch… if you really like to watch you can stroll on into an orgy room and go into a quiet corner (if there is one) I wouldn’t linger forever, but it’s totally cool to watch. That’s why there are no doors! 😉


  3. My boyfriend has been pressuring me for anal sex. im nervous. Afraid that it will be painful. Do you have any tips to help me relax?


    1. If you don’t want to just tell him “EXIT ONLY – ONE WAY – DO NOT ENTER.”

      If this is something you want to do (I’ve struggled with this one myself so I’m passing along advice here.) First, getting drunk is not a bad idea. While I don’t promote alcoholism (okay, stop laughing) it has been used as pain killers and relaxers for a very long time. Use anal lube. Make sure you are ALREADY worked up. Start with things smaller than his penis… fingers, thin toys etc.

      But please, do not ever do something you don’t want to do just to please someone else. The experience will ALWAYS suck and you’ll kick yourself later.


  4. My question is about oral sex. I have the worst gag reflex and it is just not sexy when im gagging like that. I would like to complete the act and even be able to swallow but I just have no idea on how to ease this problem.


    1. This only works with your LEFT HAND. Take your thumb and tuck it under your fingers and make a fist. The thumb MUST BE TUCKED UNDER your other four fingers. Now, stick your right index finger down your throat. See… no gagging.


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