Swing Club 101

As a reminder, I’m taking questions for Wednesday night’s Q & A session.  It can be any question regarding my books, swinging, sex etc.  Not too much is taboo.  If you want to stay private, you only need to tell me so.  You can send me a PM on Facebook, comment anonymously below or send an email to authoranitacox at yahoo dot com.

Okay, with that being said, I get a lot of club questions.  So, I’m going to cover here what to expect, etiquette and the like.  I hope to cover the bases, but if I missed something you were curious about, don’t hesitate to ask.  Questions about swinging in general or questions not related to this post be held for Wednesday night’s Q & A session.

What should I bring?

If you’re going to an on-premise club, you’ll need a lock for the locker.  Most on-premise clubs have somewhere to lock up valuables.  You need to bring a change of clothes.  Most clubs wont’ allow you in the “play areas” in street clothes.  You can bring pj’s, lingerie, boxers etc.  There are clubs that serve alcohol, but most are BYOB.  Most on-premise clubs will have mixers and soda for you.  Check the club’s website for info.

Off premise clubs are held usually in hotels and there is no sex permitted at the party.  This is a place to meet and greet and then go to your own room.

What happens when we first arrive?

You will pay the fee (varies per club) and fill out a membership card.  Your information is kept private, but it is for your protection as the cards usually state you are not media or law enforcement.  There’s also a public nudity provision.  You’ll probably be given a tour.  Some clubs have “host couples” that will show you around and help make you comfortable.  Then just make yourself a drink, sit back and take everything in.

I’m nervous and a little shy.  What should I do?

This is totally normal.  First, take a deep breath.  Smile at people, they will come to you.  If you do get a host couple, they’ll help you along.  Try to force yourself to strike up a conversation.  The easiest question to ask is, “How long have you been coming here?”  Be sure to tell others you are new.  They’ll understand that you are nervous instead of uninterested.

What should I wear?

Whatever makes you feel sexy.  Of course, every club in every state varies.  Start off in a sexy outfit (something you’d wear to a dance club maybe) then when you’re feeling brave, change into something a little more saucy.

I’ve heard other couples make rules.  How do I go about doing that?

Most couples do have rules about who, what, when, where they swing.  You should as well.  If you’ve never had a swing experience before, talk to your partner and set parameters on what is acceptable and what is not.  Do you want to do full swap (exchange partners for everything,) soft-swap (exchange partners for everything but actual sex,) same room, separate room, girl/girl only… will you allow kissing others?  These are all questions you need to think about and discuss before you dive in.

There are no right or wrong answers here.  Everyone’s swinging experience is their own.  Just be certain you both understand limits and expectations.  This can avoid issues down the road.

Be sure you discuss your rules with anyone you play with.  It makes it more comfortable for everyone involved.

Is it okay to attend a party just to see what it’s like?

It’s absolutely okay!  As a matter of fact, I highly recommend it.  People will probably encourage you to join in, dance, talk, laugh etc.  You’ll learn more by participating in the non-sexual aspect your first time.  You can go and only have sex with your spouse (always.)  Just don’t expect any privacy 😉

I’m afraid of jealousy.

It does happen from time to time.  It is the perfect time to solidify your relationship through discussion.  What made you jealous? What can be done to prevent it in the future? While it may be an unpleasant feeling, it isn’t the end of the world and most likely, a simple adjustment to the rules can prevent those feelings in the future.  Just keep an open mind, and listen to your partner when they tell you they felt jealous.  Don’t be dismissive.  You must show each other mutual respect for this to work (and marriage as far as that goes.)

What if someone is making me uncomfortable?

“No” has and will always mean no.  If someone doesn’t take the hint (please don’t hint, just say, “no, thank you,” then go to someone.  The people who checked you in, the host couple, security and tell them. Chances are if an asshole is bothering you, he’s bothering others too.

That does it – I hope I’ve cleared up some of your questions for you.  Until then… I will be back Wednesday at 7 p.m. CST.

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